My Testimony to the City Council

Yesterday I gave testimony before the DC City Council regarding Bill 18-482, the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009, authored by At-Large Councilmember David Catania and supported by the good Phil Mendelson. It was a great experience, although the public witness immediately preceding me took the opportunity to propose to his boyfriend. Congratulations to both of them, but still … that’s a tough act to follow.

My testimony (link to video will follow when available):

I’d like to thank the Council for this opportunity to speak. My name is (x). I’m a longtime resident of the District of Columbia, an American citizen, a taxpayer and a voter. I am a patriot; I believe in principled government, in law and civil order, in strong families and the values that help them prosper. I am a heterosexual. I am also a son and a grandson and a brother.

I have a duty to my country, my community, and my family, to support them and protect them and stand up for them. That’s why I’m here today. To speak on behalf of my family, and all families.

I said that I’m a brother. I’m actually a big brother, and that’s has responsibilities of its own. With regard to my little sister Charlotte, I have always had two jobs: to give her a hard time, and to stand up for her against anybody else who might try to do likewise. Since I was four years old I have had a very specific expression ready for any boy who might think about breaking my baby sister’s heart. If you have little siblings, I think you know what I mean: an expression that says “nobody messes with my loved ones except me.”

I’ve never gotten to use that expression.

My sister and I fought, squabbled, and grew up. We both had crushes and heartbreaks, and she was always there for me during my bad times and after my bad decisions. But I never got to use my warning death-glare, and I never will, because I don’t have it in me to intimidate a pretty, intelligent girl who loves my sister with all her heart.

I got this in the mail last week [hold up wedding announcement]. “The honor of your presence is requested at the wedding of…” I never understood these things. They seem like an expensive way to tell me something I already knew. My sis is getting her master’s degree, and her fiancée is doing Teach for America; I don’t know how they can afford the pretty stationery. I guess it’s romantic to want to make something beautiful to announce something beautiful. And I guess it’s cheaper to have the printers call a wedding a wedding, rather than a ‘commitment ceremony’ that, if hardship strikes, could be worth less than the pretty pink paper this is printed on.

I’m addressing the Council today for two reasons. First, because I’m going to have to give a wedding toast pretty soon, and I need practice. Second, because it’s my job as a big brother to stand up for my sister, to make sure she gets treated fairly by everyone except me. My sister is smart, funny, deeply obnoxious, incredibly loving, and her relationship with her partner is … pretty ordinary. They argue, they fight, they like Japanese art, and they want to visit all fifty states. I love them, but they’re already a boring old married couple. I’m jealous. They – and everybody like them, everybody who’s found time in their lives to meet someone who makes the world a simpler and happier place – deserve nothing more than to be allowed to make the best of it. The legal right to marry won’t give my baby sister, or those like her, the happily-ever-after they’ve always wanted and always deserved. But it’s a wonderful thing, and it’s the least we can do.

I thank the Council for its time.